It's hard to think that the picture above was taking just a
year ago. Thanksgiving of last year to be exact. How so much can change over
just a year. Last year Matthew and I got to celebrate our first Thanksgiving as
Mr. & Mrs. with our parents and this year is the first without my mom.
One of the books
that I’m reading says I should brainstorm some memories or characteristics
about my mom. I've been putting it off because, well, because remembering
hurts. I know it’s important to remember those good times, but it’s a double
edged sword. It reminds me of what I have lost and makes me angry because 28
years is not enough time with one of the most influential people in my life.
I’m grateful for every moment I had with my mom, but I’m human and selfish, so
I want more time.
I feel like there
is so much more that she could have taught me, but it doesn't do me any good to
focus on that. So instead I will remember what she did teach me. She taught me
the basics of how to prevail in life, how to walk, talk, tie my shoes, the
color wheel, how to read (and my love for the written word) and to write. She
gave me my love for mathematics and numbers. She lived her life in a way that
showed me what faith looks like, how serving others is serving God and how you
can reach many people that wouldn't normally be open for hearing about God with
food. She let me experiment in the kitchen and even ate my awful productions
but told me how to improve them so that I can prepare edible meals for my
family now. My love of the outdoors and adventure comes from her and the time
she sacrificed to be my Girl Scout troop leader, insuring that we had awesome
excursions. She opened my eyes to the beauty in the world even if it meant
waking me up in the middle of the night to see a meteor shower or taking me out
of school early so she could show me the huge waves that were being produced by
El Nino. She taught me that parents aren't always going to be your friend
growing up, they are there to make sure you have the skills to do well in life and
to keep you from making stupid decisions. And that no matter how old you are,
you still have growing up to do. She showed me retail therapy and that
sometimes you just need to go to Target and buy a basket full of items that you
don’t really need. She demonstrated how to be a good host and throw a great
party.
I think the
hardest lesson she taught me was how to be strong and have faith, even while
looking death in the face. And that being strong does not always mean that you
have no fear, but having courage to face those fears. It's this lesson that
will get me through the holiday season and as I learn how to live my life
without her.