Remembering

     It's hard to think that the picture above was taking just a year ago. Thanksgiving of last year to be exact. How so much can change over just a year. Last year Matthew and I got to celebrate our first Thanksgiving as Mr. & Mrs. with our parents and this year is the first without my mom.

     One of the books that I’m reading says I should brainstorm some memories or characteristics about my mom. I've been putting it off because, well, because remembering hurts. I know it’s important to remember those good times, but it’s a double edged sword. It reminds me of what I have lost and makes me angry because 28 years is not enough time with one of the most influential people in my life. I’m grateful for every moment I had with my mom, but I’m human and selfish, so I want more time.

     I feel like there is so much more that she could have taught me, but it doesn't do me any good to focus on that. So instead I will remember what she did teach me. She taught me the basics of how to prevail in life, how to walk, talk, tie my shoes, the color wheel, how to read (and my love for the written word) and to write. She gave me my love for mathematics and numbers. She lived her life in a way that showed me what faith looks like, how serving others is serving God and how you can reach many people that wouldn't normally be open for hearing about God with food. She let me experiment in the kitchen and even ate my awful productions but told me how to improve them so that I can prepare edible meals for my family now. My love of the outdoors and adventure comes from her and the time she sacrificed to be my Girl Scout troop leader, insuring that we had awesome excursions. She opened my eyes to the beauty in the world even if it meant waking me up in the middle of the night to see a meteor shower or taking me out of school early so she could show me the huge waves that were being produced by El Nino. She taught me that parents aren't always going to be your friend growing up, they are there to make sure you have the skills to do well in life and to keep you from making stupid decisions. And that no matter how old you are, you still have growing up to do. She showed me retail therapy and that sometimes you just need to go to Target and buy a basket full of items that you don’t really need. She demonstrated how to be a good host and throw a great party.

     I think the hardest lesson she taught me was how to be strong and have faith, even while looking death in the face. And that being strong does not always mean that you have no fear, but having courage to face those fears. It's this lesson that will get me through the holiday season and as I learn how to live my life without her.

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Chocolate-Covered Cherries

Matthew and I like to make these chocolate covered cherries every year to give away around Valentines Day. We actually didn't get to make them last year because we were busy with wedding stuff. So this year we may have gone overboard...

Start with a jar of stemmed cherries. We just happened to get ours from Sams.

Set cherries out on paper towels so they can dry.

Leave out for a few hours if necessary. You really don't want them to have any residual cherry juice on them.

Combine light corn syrup, butter and powder sugar until smooth. Chill if mix is too difficult to work with.

Wrap a small ball around a cherry and chill in the refrigerator for about an hour. 

Melt your chocolate. mmm chocolate.

Dip cherries in chocolate and set on wax paper or silicon sheets.

Sometimes when pulling them off the chocolate gets messed up.

Easy to fix though.

Store in an air tight container in the fridge for 1 to 2 weeks. Letting them sit for a week or two makes the powder sugar mix all ooey and gooey and super delicious.

Chocolate Covered Cherries

60 Maraschino Cherries, with stems
3 Tablespoons Butter, softened
3 Tablespoons Light-Colored Corn Syrup
2 Cups sifted Powder Sugar
1 Pound Chocolate Candy Coating

1) Drain cherries and set on paper towels for several hours to ensure they are dry.
2) In a small mixing bowl combine butter and corn syrup until smooth. Mix in powder sugar and knead until smooth. Chill mixture if it is too soft to handle. Shape about a 1/2 teaspoon amount around a dry cherry and place stem sides up on a baking sheet lined with waxed paper. Chill wrapped cherries for about an hour.
3) Melt candy coating according to directions. Line a baking sheet with wax paper. Then, holding the cherries by the stems, dip one at a time in the candy coating let excess chocolate drip off and set on wax paper.
4) Once the coating has hardened place in an airtight container and store in the refrigerator for 1 to 2 weeks. This allows the sugar mix to get all gooey and yummy.

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Brace yourselves

     So I'm writing a blog update about this rather than just doing a Facebook post since this will probably be too long for a status update.
     On Monday morning my mom stumbled out of bed. By the time I got over to her house at ten a.m. to pick her up for her chemo appointment, my mom had called her neighbor, and sent a text to my brother's girlfriend that scared the crap out of her. My mom's neighbor was trying to help her get off of the floor, but she was too weak to get up (she had been ill the few previous days because of chemo).
     After I had been there 3-5 minutes the cops showed up banging on the door. My brother's girlfriend (who lives in California and who didn't have any contact information for anyone here and was unable to get a hold of my mom since her phone was dead) called the cops. The police then contacted the paramedics so that they could come and help my mom. Once the paramedics showed up, they were able to get her off the floor, down the stairs and put her in the passenger seat of her car since she didn't want to ride in the ambulance.
     She wasn't hurt from tumbling out of bed, but because she was disoriented and had trouble answering questions like what day it was, how she got on the floor in the first place, she needed to go to the ER. At the ER they discovered she was severely anemic, dehydrated and showing signs of infection. She was put on an IV to receive fluids and antibiotics. My mom also received blood transfusions to help bring up her white blood cell count. The anemia put a lot of stress on her heart and her blood work showed an enzyme that is normally only found in the bloodstream after a heart attack. She did not have a heart attack, and her levels of this enzyme were on the low end of the scale. It just shows how much stress her heart was under because of the anemia. She was moved into the ICU later in the evening and she was ordered to have another MRI on her head (she just had one last week).
     Tuesday morning, her oncologist came in to talk to us about her MRI results. Now this is where the bad news comes into play. Her cancer is still in her brain. The radiologist came in to talk to her and he can do radiation on one spot of her brain, but not on the others. On Wednesday her oncologist again came in to talk to her realistically about her options. Even with the radiation, her life expectancy could only be a few months and it would be best if we were to put my mom in a hospice program. My mom has been moved out of ICU as of Wednesday night, which is good news.
     As you can imagine this has been very difficult for my family to deal with. But praise God that my family is close (both geographically and relational) and we have an amazing support system of friends. Obviously we are still praying for a miracle, but ultimately for God's will to be done.
     I know my family and I appreciate your thoughts and prayers through all of this. I also want to apologize for not being able to call and talk to many of you to inform you what has being going on, but it has been a hectic and stressful few days and honestly it's difficult to have to repeat what has been going on. Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers and I will try and keep you updated as we get more information.

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Back in the swing of things

Things have been busy the past few months. But I feel that everything is finally starting to settle down. Which means new posts! I'm hoping to get caught up on old projects including putting in the garden beds, making chocolate covered cherries for Valentines Day, and our anniversary trip to California. But for now, cute animal pictures.

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